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“Am I The Only One?” – Sports Column

Friday, August 27th, 2010

“Am I The Only One”? who has absolutely no pity on poor, poor Roger Clemens who has now been indicted on possible (sure, possible, as sure as the sun rising in the east and setting in the west, it’s that sure) perjury charges for lying to a grand jury on these charges he took steroids? OK, OK, he took steroids that’s obvious, but not enough to get him some jail time up the rive. Lying to a grand jury? No, no, Roger the K you have cooked your own goose, and it’s well done may I add. You now will be indicted and face those boys. Can you get out of this bases loaded, no one out situation? Doesn’t look very good to this guy here in Boca Raton.
On a brighter side, you sure look good in pinstripes (and not Yankee ones), however sad (boo hoo, my heart aches) this may appear to others. You now get your picture on the Hall of Shame joining others such as Martha Stewart (yup, she also fibbed to a grand jury), Plaxico Burress, and if you’re worried about bullpen relief don’t be shocked if your main man is hopefully soon to be ex Met Francisco Rodgriguez (or KFlop) who may join you after a bit of a tiny fight in the clubhouse this past week. It’s amazing, if they all lied you could have quite a team there at Team Attica!! Bonds batting cleanup, or maybe McGwire, or maybe even ARod or Sosa? How about Palmeiro at first with his make believe 500+ homers and fake 3000+ hits As for batboy, is Jose Canseco available, or is he still getting clobbered by little old ladies on national TV for a few dollars. I can’t believe I blogged a few years ago that he was the “Benedict Arnold of baseball” and he turned out to be more honest than Mary Poppins and Abe Lincoln (not necessarily in that order of course)!!
You know, sports fanaticos, it’s surely a sad case of affairs, when these millionaire ball players ruin their reputations and standing in the community just to hit a few more homers or win a dozen or so extra games, wouldn’t you say? Some role models these clowns turned out to be. Where’s Berra, Hodges, Campy, Aaron and Mays when you need them?
Eventually they will get what they all deserve, as we await the first of what may be many years of trials in court over this steroid mess these ballplayers have created. How sad for true baseball fans like yours truly to watch one star after another fall out of favor with the public and have their good name ruined for life. What next? You’re going to tell me the Fourth of July Hot Dog Eating Contest at Nathan’s is not real? Oh, the crime, and here I was about to enter by telling Nathan’s I could qualify by eating 55 hot dogs in the allotted time… 55?OK, OK, my personal high is maybe 2-1/2 (no bun on the third one)… but so what? If Barry Bonds can hit 73 homers at his age, why can’t I eat 55 little doggies at my age, which is also 55? Uh oh, I haven’t seen 55 in a few years, but you see how this fibbing is contagious. I was also 6 feet tall once, and climbed Mount Everest in my sneakers (Keds, of course).
Anyway, it’s time to call it a day, this is “The Only One” signing off, and kindly reminding you if you wish to go to any of our 3 airports to see Roger the Dodger sink like the Titanic, you can surely call M&M Airport and Car Service at 561 488-6014, and book your reservations. Our friendly and professional staff awaits your phone call!
by Alan Gee

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